4 Competencies Critical to Move Past Survival
You must develop and work on these, and if you don't have a trainer, do it yourself.
OBJECTIVE SELF AWARENESS - the ability to know yourself, have knowledge that you are objective and can tap into that self-regulation and how to use it to create flexibility, self control, changes and emotional control, be able to pace yourself, control positive emotions. Parents and those who work with different generations understand this very well.
EMPATHY - not sympathy. This is where you understand others, recognize their communication, culture and style differences. A key concept is to develop your antenna, which will give you the ability to learn how to read people as opposed to getting caught up in your own emotions.
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS - how to elegantly influence and persuade people, learn how to read, match and mirror them. Manage your change as well as the change of the organization and build very strong, positive relationships.
INTER DEVELOPMENTAL SKILLS - developing and growing through positive exchange and relationship with your staff and clients.
How we sold, marketed and prospected in the past are old, obsolete and don't work.
Develop the concept of a client base, working with four categories:
- Platinum Clients - top 4% of the people you do business with (they come from the gold clients). They are unconditional givers. Take very good care of them and let them take care of you too. If you don't ask for help, a referral, advice, counsel, information, they may stay a client but if a stranger asks for help, they'll give that info to them.
- Gold Clients - top 20% - they bring in 80% revenues, referrals and introduction. Stay in contact on a regular basis. Build relationships with them to get and sell and to be a resource person for them.
- Silver Clients - 60% - They will bring in 15% of your business.
- Bronze Clients - 20% that may bring in 5% of your business. These have been around for awhile, are not your favorites, want more service for less money. The others in this group are brand new, they have just signed up. In both cases, it's your job to build and grow them into silver or gold. If you can't, give them to someone who needs the business.
Because of intensity or competition, in order to keep clients you must set up golds and silvers and know who platinum clients are. I strongly suggest you get rid of bronzes. To grow your business, you will have to drop off 5 - 10% of the bottom.
When you bring in clients, ask yourself how much you like them as people, not just for the business or buying and selling. If you don't like most of your clients, if they are not respectful of your values, think hard about what you are selling and who you are selling to.
The bottom line is you, regardless of the product or service. How good a resource person are you? If you work for a company that isn't providing you with the training, resources or quality product to make you a significant resource for your clients, then you have to find way to make a difference. Those days when you kept one job for 20 years and were perceived as loyal and hard working because of it, are gone. Today, if you are with one company for 20 years, people think something may be wrong with you.
Today, YOU, INC., has to be the first company you work for.
To grow and retain clients, you must develop on-going communication. You need to stay in touch, with a minimum of quarterly contacts. Try a quarterly newsletter or white paper. Use email, broadcast fax, snail mail – whatever it is you must keep an on-going communication no less than four times a year and not just a telephone call.
Technology:
If you think the internet and web sites and email and beepers and pagers and relational databases and broadcast emails are going to overwhelm you today, you ain't seen nothing yet.
It's going to grow faster and more complex. As a nation, it seems as if our productivity has gone so high because we've learned how to do much more much faster, but it's not true. We're downsized and everyone who's still working has two jobs to do.
Our economy is heavy-weighted with CEOs and not people making millions while the rest of us are putting in 20 more hours a week, and not necessarily getting paid for it.
You do need to be on the internet and have a web site. You must have some kind of net presence, even if it's a single page, a place where people can find you. You must have email, a two line phone, a desk phone that can conference, hold, mute and a fax machine.
Brian's advice for the technology-challenged? Don't run or jump quickly – pace yourself. Select the items you want to use, that will let you work smarter. Find people you can learn from who am more technically savvy than you and ask questions. Remember, the Lone Ranger is Dead. You can't succeed alone. You need a few good people that you can collaborate with, work with, even if they're not in your industry.
Questions and Comments:
Q: How do you find the right people to build a MasterMind with?
A: Two things are particularly important: 1. Find out what your qualities are – positive, enthusiastic – like a job description. It is amazing how many companies hire people to fit a position but will not ask or look for core beliefs and values. 2. Find people who have similar energies, chemistry and values. You need to ask about these qualities as complementary to your own. It takes nine months to build a successful MasterMind of between 6 - 8 people who you trust, admire, respect and relate well to that you feel like you can do this with. Initially, start with three people, meet on the phone or in person and then build out from selectively from there.
Q: How do I incorporate my changing and adapting in the world with the changes that my company is making?(Editor's note: the person asking is with Nexus/Lexus, a major information resource for the legal and news world.)
A: Because of the proliferation of free information and data on the internet, your company may be in for some serious, painful changes. They will need to look in terms of sales and marketing to shift from being an informational web site to a customized consulting organization. The good news is if we learn to customize, adapt and be able to serve as a resource people, there will be plenty of opportunity for us. There are thousands of web servers, information providers and list providers, but they are missing the mark in not offering something customized and personalized to meet the needs of individual people or companies. Find out what your current client base or prospects' needs and wants are, how they would like it personalized, how they want to be treated and apply that. Client serving is the key to your success.
Q: What about the concept that all sales comes down to two human people at either end of the transaction. Will that change?
A: Selling as we know it – push/present/benefits/push/sell – is obsolete and can be detrimental. Those who are still doing it are in the wrong place. Right now, collaboration, coaching and sharing ideas is selling in the 21st century. Selling in the U.S., as well as in the rest of the world, has changed substantially, so that even the feature/benefit style is outdated and often disrupts the sale process.
Q: Can you comment on the future of relationship selling? (Please note that the two areas growing most quickly have no relationship building currently – Internet and shopping channels).
A: The good news is that the internet has offered many more people a chance to connect and do business. The bad news is that the building of rapport and face-to-face selling is missing in the way the internet is set up today. (Example: Brian has contacted over 150 major companies now on the net. They refer him directly to the president through e-mail contact and promise a response. He has gotten two return calls, basically to sell him something. He calls to say, "Hey, why no response?" He then he calls again to say, "Where's your customer service, you're not delivering anything as promised!"
If you create a web site and use it as a tool, make sure you follow up and follow through elegantly, on a timely basis, including your e-mail. If you will talk person to person, dialogue, and follow through with an effective communication system, you will be able to build relationships that lead to business success.
You need three systems to succeed:
- A simplified business plan for your business/career/sales territory that covers a step-by-step approach of what you want to accomplish in the next year. It should also cover what you've done in the last few months.
- A sales interview system that not only gives you the numbers you need to learn where business is going to come from, but also a tracking aspect in which to communicate successfully and know where you're going.
- A marketing system of at least five different low or no cost ways to attract people to your business. You have to learn how to interview, listen, qualify and create appropriate market niches.
Forgiveness Can Heal Wounds
Do you find forgiveness a difficult prospect?. Big questions such as "When is it too late to ask for an apology?", "Is forgiveness necessary for personal and spiritual growth?", and "Should someone apologize for being truthful?" complicate the process.
Of course, most of us do not hold grudges and ask for apologies on such a grand scale. Yet, we certainly can tell stories about the rifts in ourfamilies. For example, brothers don't speak to brothers because business ventures went belly up. Or, siblings squabble over inheritances. Even worse, families break up when they take sides over the guilt or innocence of an abusing parent.
The offended and the offenders present compelling explanations, but the offended are often the ones who feel that they are left holding the hot potato question: Should I forgive-or forgive, forget or forsake the relationship forever. My clients suffer long-term anguish over this dilemma.
Most religions promote forgiveness. The message is that forgiveness heals wounds, brings people together, allows for human error and advances each party's emotional and spiritual growth.
As you read this, you might be pondering whether to forgive your mother, sibling or colleague. And, like most people, you might also be feeling a mix of guilt and outrage at the same time. I wish I could give you a definitive answer about what to do. Even in my profession as a coach, there is division about the better approach. In my many years of counseling people, I've seen leaps in personal and family growth occur from both positions. The best I can offer is this guide. Ultimately, you must decide, based on your circumstances and religious beliefs, whether to forgive or not.
To Forgive or Not to Forgive
1. There can actually be benefits of holding a grudge and withholdingforgiveness. If you are the kind of person who rarely speaks up or who always thinks that he or she is usually wrong or undeserving, then holding a grudge can forge a new way of thinking about others and their responsibility for a given situation. For example, you might find some untapped strength in yourself. Use your "grudge time" to review the situation. Talk about it with others, including counseling or religious professionals. Test your viewpoint.
Ask yourself: What lesson have I learned about not speaking my mind? Why do I let others disrespect me?
2. Get a perspective. The feeling that someone has done you wrong may be justified, but just because you feel something doesn't mean yourbehavior has to match your feelings. We make similar assessments all the time. For example, wise parents know to pick their battles with their teenager. If the hurt is deeper, then think about how you want to handle it. Here are some steps to take after you've got a more level head.
Ask yourself: Did I contribute to this problem? Why did this person do what they did? If you aren't sure about what happened, tell the story to a trusted friend, partner, counselor or religious leader. Write out the incident and see what emerges. Sometimes, the act of writing can yield surprises.
3. Consider your position temporary. People grow and change. Hindsight, time and a fresh view, for instance, might soften your previous stance. You don't have to maintain your old view. There's no point or benefit of holding a grudge for the sake of being angry. Don't hold onto to past hurts in order to protect and justify your actions or feelings.
4. Develop a strategy. Forgiveness is a very personal decision, and few situations are identical. Here a few of the approaches that worked for my clients.
Identify your religious beliefs. For example, some people believe that forgiveness, rather than diminishing your sense of self-worth, actually enhances it. Forgiveness, in their eyes, is a higher order of human relating. There is a famous story about a family in Italy who encountered bandits who robbed them and murdered family members. The parents forgave the robbers--and even donated an organ to save one of their lives.
Decide whether this person or issue is important enough for you to "open that can of worms."
Weigh the pros and cons of discussing the issue. Decide whether you still want a relationship with this person. Confronting the person can end in several outcomes: It might end the relationship, solidify your negative assessment of the offender, leave you without a resolution or foster a better relationship and help the person to grow.
Think about how you might change your interactions. For example, some people limit or shorten their visits. Other people decide to "step back" in their hearts and choose to continue the relationship but not be as close.
Discuss the issue with the offender and offer this person the opportunity to change or apologize. Ask the offender: How would you feel if I did the same thing to you? What would you do about it? Often, the person's response will guide you.
5. Don't be afraid to open old but serious wounds that you haven't acted on. Sometimes we look back and can't figure out why we never dealt with an issue; however, delayed action is not necessarily unwise behavior. Sometimes, people are not even aware that someone has actually hurt them!
Battered women, for example, may come to the realization that they are not the cause of the battering until later. Battered women are often too willing to offer forgiveness to their abusers and not expect or ask for change in the abuser's behavior. Years later--and perhaps many counseling hours later, the woman sees the light
Consistent Winners
As a coach and student of consistent high achievers, I'm often asked, Why do some people win time after time, while others work just as hard but never seem to "put it all
together?"
I believe the answer falls into two basic categories, one that makes a small contribution, and a second that makes (essentially) ALL the difference.
The first category, which accounts for very little of the difference, is talent. Whether you call it talent or aptitude, it's clear that our inherent abilities do play a
(small) role. It's important to know our strengths and use them to our advantage.
If you want to play basketball, being tall and quick does help. For an engineer, a gift for numbers and math will obviously make things easier.
I remember a wonderful conversation with a man who knew Albert Einstein at Princeton over 60 years ago. He commented that Einstein was not a particularly gifted mathematician! He struggled to balance his checkbook, but he had a remarkable imagination and the ability to immerse himself in a problem until he found the answer. THAT made all the difference.
In my study of top performers, the difference that really matters time after time is that winners have a SYSTEM. Most people tackle problems in a haphazard way and they get
haphazard results. Winners don't do that!
Here's a simple four-step process that consistent winners use over and over again:
1. First, they get very (VERY!) clear about exactly what they want. They picture their desired outcome in precise detail. They never set out to make "more" money. Instead,
they set out to "make $25,000 this month." Some people call this visualization; others call it an affirmation. The key is that winners know what they want and they picture it in
detail, all day long, every day, in advance, until it becomes their reality.
2. Second, winners use precise "cognitive systems." That means they have clear strategies, they think carefully, rationally and continuously about the problem and their
desired solution. They research and ask experts for help. They invest in education, skills, tools and resources to put the odds in their favor. They are passionate and can be emotional, but when it comes to winning, they are calm, cool, and collected. They are good, clear thinkers.
3. Third, winners use their "Personal Eco-Systems(tm)" to improve their chances for success. There's a reason Thomas Edison virtually lived in his lab. There's a reason Martha Stewart is so elegant, even in her garden. There's a reason writers surround themselves with books and hang out with other writers. Winning athletes watch films, they study and memorize the stats of their heroes. Surround yourself with an environment that makes it hard to fail!
4. Fourth, winners work harder than losers. You may not like this, but winners work very, very hard. They practice. They study. They sacrifice and make hard choices. They are the first ones to work in the morning and the last ones to leave at night. Based on their visualizations, their carefully-thought-out strategies, and supported by the environment they've created, they take massive ACTION.
The truth is that while talent and genius are helpful, the winners in life have and use better systems. They study winners. As Tony Robbins says, "success leaves clues" and
winners use strategies that have worked for other people. They surround themselves with a rich environment that inspires them, and they work very hard.
If you would like coaching to consistently (and more quickly) achieve your goals and create the life you truly want, contact me about coaching. We'll interview each other and decide the best way to proceed. Contact me at: [email protected]
Quotes of the Week
"Opportunities are usually disguised by hard work, so most people don’t recognize them."
-- Ann Landers
"To follow, without halt, one aim: That's the secret of success."
-- Anna Pavlova
"Begin somewhere; you cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do."
-- Liz Smith
"Winning is not a sometime thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately,
so is losing."
-- Vince Lombardi
Laugh, Love, Have Fun, then Set Goals
All of us are busy. We work hard, do our daily chores and pursue our intentions to exercise more, spend time with the kids, do a little reading or volunteer at a local charity. It all adds up and it becomes "too much!"
My intention is to call us back to our true selves and to focus our time and energy on the things that matter most. My intention is to help us develop strategies so that our time and effort produce the results we truly want.
So, in that light, here are a few friendly reminders to make the 2nd half of 2016 your "best ever!"
1. We become what we think about most of the time. The old advice about positive thinking makes a difference. It's easy to worry about problems, but if you want 2016 to be a better year, think better thoughts! Use posters, signs and small daily rituals to motivate yourself. Laugh more. Practice optimism.
2. Spend time with yourself. Some of us need lots of alone time, others need very little, but we all need some. Take time to think, to ponder, to dream. Schedule time with the most important person in your life and re-discover your passions, your curiosity, your strengths. Sip tea. Go for a walk. Watch a sunrise. Take notes.
3. Spend time with people. Sometimes I think conversation is a lost art. Listen to your children. Visit a neighbor, interview a colleague and really listen to them. Make contact with an old friend, cuddle with your lover. Human connection is vital and too often we confuse passing in the hallways of life with actual intimacy. Take time to look into their eyes. Hold hands. Connect.
4. Schedule Fun First. As long-time clients know, I'm a fan of year-at-a-glance wall calendars and I'm convinced the first things to schedule are family birthdays, celebrations, vacations and holidays. Rarely will you look back and remember a day at the office, but your family will remember days at the beach, birthday surprises and special vacations for a hundred years! Mark your calendars with first things first.
5. Make Goals, Set Targets. The most important steps for personal success are to plan your benchmarks. You need specific, measurable targets for every important goal, so have the courage to think them through and write them down! How much will you earn? What will you achieve? How will you measure it? Who will help you? What challenges must be solved?
These are important questions and to make 2016 your best year ever, you must ponder and answer them. But don't confuse your business goals with living a great life! One is your job, the other is your life! Yes, we all want to make more money and be more successful, but keep things in perspective and put first things first. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Love well. Laugh often. Then set goals, get a strategy, and make more money! I think you'll like the results.
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Quotes of the Week
"Maintaining a complicated life is a great way to avoid changing it."
-- Elaine St. James
"It only takes one person to change your life--you."
-- Ruth Casey
"Don't worry about whether or not I am now happy. Today is only chapter one. We have yet to write the book."
-- Lois Wyse
"Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God."
-- Mary Manin Morrissey
PROCRASTINATION NATION
All the experts on time management agree on at least one rule for getting results: “Do it now!” But tackling assignments now is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes you’re not in the mood for paperwork or you may be overwhelmed by the size or complexity of the project or the task itself may be one that makes you uncomfortable – like criticizing an employee’s performance. To procrastinate means to put off doing a task – for no good reason. That last phrase, “for no good reason,” is the key because there are sometimes excellent reasons for putting off a certain task. In fact, deciding to do one thing before another is what prioritizing is all about. However if you have organized your “To Do” list and are having trouble working through it in priority order, then procrastination may be the problem. If that’s the case, try these ideas. PERSUADE YOURSELF. Most procrastination is the result of irrational thinking, commonly called “awfulizing.” You talk yourself into pulling off a task, not because it is simply unpleasant, but because it is awful. Horrible, UNBEARABLE! Of course, none of these descriptions is accurate. Convince yourself instead that the task is worth doing, even if it’s hard getting started. Tell yourself, “I may not enjoy paperwork, but I can certainly stand it and may even feel good when it’s done.” CHALLENGE YOUR EXCUSES for putting the assignment off. For example, if you generally excuse yourself by saying, “But I work so well under pressure,” argue that “Working under pressure really leaves me harried and tired, and I don’t have the time I need to be creative.” This type of inner debate can keep you from stalling and works for any excuse, no matter how “logical.” COUNTERATTACK. Forcing yourself to do something uncomfortable or frightening helps to prove that it wasn’t so bad after all. Let’s say you have to hire a secretary. You know your present secretary will be leaving in two weeks, but you still haven’t started interviewing people because you don’t think you’re good at it. Call Personnel and set a goal to interview three people tomorrow and every day for the rest of the week. A manageable goal is less threatening and gets the task accomplished. By the end of the week, you will probably have decided that interviewing isn’t really so terrible. REMOVE THE REWARD. Don’t let procrastination be a pleasant experience. If you usually procrastinate by socializing or smoking a cigarette, cut it out. If you must procrastinate, do it in unpleasant conditions. No cigarettes. No coffee. No visitors. When the fun goes away, the procrastination will too. WRITE A CONTRACT. Make a written promise to yourself that states a goal and includes a reward for accomplishing the goal. You could write, “I, Brian Azar, will do the most unpleasant task for the day first thing in the morning. Upon successful completion of the job, I will enjoy a freshly brewed cup of coffee.” JOG YOUR MEMORY. Put important papers in a red folder. They must be done today. Signify important items on your “To Do” list with a red star. Clear off your desk and then put the Ames’ report in the middle of it. Post a sign that says “Do it!” In short, use any gimmick that keeps you on track. DIVIDE AND CONQUER. Break big jobs into small pieces and complete one piece every day. Pull three files today. Write an outline tomorrow. Draft the introduction today and the conclusion tomorrow. And so on. DISCIPLINE YOURSELF for five minutes. If you don’t really want to do a project, promise yourself that you’ll work on it for five minutes. Set a timer. What the time buzzes, decide whether to work for five more minutes or quit. Often, starting a project is like jumping into a swimming pool. The first splash may be unpleasant but once you start swimming, it feels good. DEVELOP A ROUTINE. Confirmed procrastinators usually work in a feast or famine pattern. One way to fight the tendency is to schedule frequent tasks for regular times. Return telephone calls between 11 and 12 every morning. Dictate letters and memos between 9 and 9:30. Complete personnel records every Friday afternoon. Determine work assignments on Thursday mornings. And so on. POST A CHART and make sure you can see it from your desk. Give yourself a gold star for each task completed in priority order, and a red minus for any you miss. This visible proof of your progress will reinforce your efforts to stay on track, and remind you that doing it now—not tomorrow—can make your job less stressful and much easier to manage. The Procrastination Cure: A Proven Therapy STEP #1: Just DO it! By opening the envelope, you took the first step toward overcoming a behavioral pattern that is wasteful, destructive, and curable. Some people think procrastination is funny. If you have read this far, however, you know it is not a laughing matter – either because you work with a procrastinator, you live with a procrastinator, or suffer from procrastination yourself. But you may not realize how widespread the problem is. It frustrates even the most highly motivated people. It keeps them from achieving their ambitions, no matter how hard they strive. It causes untold guilt, anxiety, and anguish. Yet most procrastinators suffer needlessly. STEP #2: Follow Through You took Step 1 by reading this report. Now follow through. The sooner you begin applying both steps to daily projects and responsibilities, the sooner you can put this problem behind you. Meanwhile, let’s look at “appropriate goals.” What do we mean by “appropriate”? How do we set these goals? How do we achieve them? Example of an Inappropriate Goals: “My goal is to put an end to my procrastination, once and for all.” THIS IS A VAGUE GOAL, AN INTANGIBLE GOAL, A GOAL YOU CAN’T SEE, TOUCH, OR SMELL. Ask yourself: Can you draw a picture of this goal? STEP #3: Be Specific Appropriate goals are tangible goals. Goals involving specific actions. Goals that have a start and finish. Example of an Appropriate Goal: “My goal is to put an end to my procrastination once and for all by mailing the request form for The Procrastination Cure program.” This is a goal you can draw a picture of. Is your problem simply an occasional tendency to “put things off,” which everybody experience from time to time? Or is it really serious? When you are about to undertake a task, do you notice yourself suddenly getting busy doing everything BUT the thing that needs to be done? Do you sometimes find yourself so obsessed by things you should have done, that you can’t enjoy what you are doing now? Do you start to feel guilty or apprehensive about not having completed – perhaps not having started—a task? Do you pray that no one will find out, or start making excuses? These are among the most common signals that you may be a “chronic” procrastinator. (If you answered “frequently” or “occasionally” to two or more of these questions on the enclosed 10-second Self-Evaluation Quiz, you already know that you may be at risk. If you did not complete that quiz, please do so.) STEP #4: Learn the Underlying CAUSE If you fail to identify the hidden causes of this poorly understood behavior pattern, you may encounter difficulty curing it by yourself, even with these techniques. Most chronic procrastinators harbor the dangerous misconception that they have a Time Management problem. They assume that they can solve the problem by applying Time Management techniques. These techniques do work – but only if you apply them! Here are brief examples: At bottom, procrastination may be nothing more than a defense mechanism – a shield protecting you from something you don’t want to deal with. It may be fear of failure. It may be fear of success – anxiety that others may think you are “doing too well.” It may be your desire to exert control: “I won’t play … You can’t make me … I’ll do it in my own time.” These are only the tip of the subconscious iceberg. But once you have exposed the underlying – even unsuspected – causes of your procrastination (and there may be several) you will be better equipped to set appropriate goals, and to achieve them. Step #5: Keep It SMALL We urged you earlier to set specific goals. Now we caution you to break down into segments – tasks or projects that can be easily accomplished. This will counter the “all-or-nothing” approach that is a major obstacle for chronic procrastinators. In our workshops, we have observed that the tendency of most procrastinators is to pick a goal that is too large. The result is that the task seems overwhelming. They get discouraged and, of course, continue to procrastinate. To keep this from happening, take small steps. Break down your overall objective into manageable components. Don’t try to do it all at once. The first steps should be something you can do in 15 minutes or less. Make a phone call. Mail a letter. Returning to the example cited earlier: Is your goal to end procrastination? TAKE THE FIRST STEP NOW Make it small. Make it specific. Make it NOW! Brian Azar www.salesdoctor.com [email protected] 919-620-1551 Have you thought about the assumptions you make and your general approach to your professional life--your model of the world? What are some useful approaches that will allow us to think in new ways? One way to begin is with a session of personal and business un-learning. What do we delete and what is it replaced by?
What are some of the ways you can apply these principles?
This transformation involves expanding your thinking beyond one dimension (“I must promote,” “I must scramble for work,” “I must struggle to close sales”) to multi-dimensional approaches such as cause and effect, leverage, strength in numbers, a whole greater than the sum of its parts, and synergy. Understand these concepts and how to apply them. Technology is today’s version of the very long lever...the technology we use to run global businesses from virtual offices, build alliances with people from around the world, and reach markets everywhere. Now, that’s leverage!
You can draw on the best resources, minds, ideas, products, services, and more, regardless of where they’re located around the globe. Whether you provide a product or a service, your time is money! In-person appearances are one of the most expensive ways to conduct business because they cost you twice: the implicit value of your time (the cost of your salary and benefits to be there) and the opportunity cost of not being able to use that time to accomplish something else that would bring a higher return. Here’s an example of what we mean. Your drive to work takes 45 minutes, but you’ve recently discovered an alternate route that will save you 15 minutes each way. That’s a half an hour a day, 2 ½ hours each week, 10 hours a month, 120 hours a year, three full 40-hour work weeks of time that you can reclaim as yours. Would you change your route? Of course you would! Because you intuitively know that your time is valuable. And because it makes no sense to spend time in ways that you don’t value. Delete the habit of saying, “Well, all I spent was my own time” or “At least, it cost me nothing to find that out.” Even if you spent no out-of-pocket money, you spent precious time, and that translates into money. Every time you appeared in person to negotiate a deal, you spent money. Value your time as a precious commodity!
Alliances are not high-risk ventures, but rather intelligent experiments with the new and untried. Of course, not all alliances produce favorable results. With alliance-building experience, you begin to trust yourself and your expertise. You emerge smarter, stronger, and more knowledgeable for your next venture. How can we keep our focus on the big picture? • Use all your metaphorical photographer’s lenses: from close-up to wide-angel; from aerial to x-ray. • Examine your world with both a telescope and a microscope. • Zoom in on the details and zoom out to see the fullest picture. • Look beyond the obvious, relish the complexities, and be very curious. _______________________________________ Quotes _______________________________________ Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. ~~Mark Twain If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. ~~William Blake November 2016 Openings for New Coaching Clients Will November be the right time for you or your team to work with a coach? Working with a coach is a great way for successful individuals to:
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The Power Of Commitment
The keys to success in the 21st. Century start with the Power Of Commitment and how good a resource person you become for others. You neeed to be committed to supporting these five keys
Five things that motivate and inspire people:....It's NOT the money.
1- People want to be recognized or acknowledged positively. As a nation, we are downsizing, cutting back, laying off workers, and the remaining workers are being forced to pick up the job responsibilities of the group pushed out, with no increase in income or control. Many people constantly say recognition and positive acknowledgment from staff, clients, vendors, and, yes, even your family on a regular basis is critical.
2- People want a participating role. They want to experience a part of being a decision-maker. Let your staff and even clients have input in decision-making situations. The Sales Doctor does not believe leadership is good today. The best leaders are those who lead by example. Autocratic, authoritarian people do not lead. Those who are resources for those around them, who give away their power, who allow others to have input around them, are the true leaders.
3- True winners want to collaborate. This is especially true of successful winning sales people and entrepreneurial people. These winners don't want to compete and beat each other into the ground. When Brian was at Xerox, once he started winning the salesman of the month prize – he was ridiculed and sabotaged. This is not an unusual situation. No one feels good if they don't win. When the Sales Doctor goes to companies that still have those awards for top salesperson of the month, this is our first target. The best one isn't the one who needs the recognition. The team approach that collaborates is what works best.
4- People want to be trained and educated, and not just technically. People want to learn about communication, technology and financial development. In-house training in matters professional and personal builds morale, loyalty and results in a more positive, more productive workforce.
5- Taking responsibility for growth. Gen Xers are already doing this, and the Boomer generation needs to learn from them. We've got to have flexibility, responsibility and accountability for our own growth, education and self-improvement. However you can help people grow and help them become stronger individuals, you will inspire and lead them.
Change, whether in corporate culture, personal development or keeping pace with technology, is only going to become more rapid. There are three ways people and organizations change:
Shock: 60% - A trigger event which is sudden and painful. This includes sickness and downsizing, anything that creates a physical emotional and/or psychological response. These are the reactives and this is how most people and companies change.
Evolution: 20% - This is often where a company or person doesn't actually do anything. They put off and procrastinate, so that when change occurs, it is more often than not, too little, too late.
Choice! 20% - Here's where you want to be. Those people, individuals and organizations that regularly plan a course for the future. They make proactive, ongoing changes and are on time with changes. An adjustable and flexible person or company thrives in a rapidly changing environment.
The keys to success in the 21st. Century start with the Power Of Commitment and how good a resource person you become for others. You neeed to be committed to supporting these five keys
Five things that motivate and inspire people:....It's NOT the money.
1- People want to be recognized or acknowledged positively. As a nation, we are downsizing, cutting back, laying off workers, and the remaining workers are being forced to pick up the job responsibilities of the group pushed out, with no increase in income or control. Many people constantly say recognition and positive acknowledgment from staff, clients, vendors, and, yes, even your family on a regular basis is critical.
2- People want a participating role. They want to experience a part of being a decision-maker. Let your staff and even clients have input in decision-making situations. The Sales Doctor does not believe leadership is good today. The best leaders are those who lead by example. Autocratic, authoritarian people do not lead. Those who are resources for those around them, who give away their power, who allow others to have input around them, are the true leaders.
3- True winners want to collaborate. This is especially true of successful winning sales people and entrepreneurial people. These winners don't want to compete and beat each other into the ground. When Brian was at Xerox, once he started winning the salesman of the month prize – he was ridiculed and sabotaged. This is not an unusual situation. No one feels good if they don't win. When the Sales Doctor goes to companies that still have those awards for top salesperson of the month, this is our first target. The best one isn't the one who needs the recognition. The team approach that collaborates is what works best.
4- People want to be trained and educated, and not just technically. People want to learn about communication, technology and financial development. In-house training in matters professional and personal builds morale, loyalty and results in a more positive, more productive workforce.
5- Taking responsibility for growth. Gen Xers are already doing this, and the Boomer generation needs to learn from them. We've got to have flexibility, responsibility and accountability for our own growth, education and self-improvement. However you can help people grow and help them become stronger individuals, you will inspire and lead them.
Change, whether in corporate culture, personal development or keeping pace with technology, is only going to become more rapid. There are three ways people and organizations change:
Shock: 60% - A trigger event which is sudden and painful. This includes sickness and downsizing, anything that creates a physical emotional and/or psychological response. These are the reactives and this is how most people and companies change.
Evolution: 20% - This is often where a company or person doesn't actually do anything. They put off and procrastinate, so that when change occurs, it is more often than not, too little, too late.
Choice! 20% - Here's where you want to be. Those people, individuals and organizations that regularly plan a course for the future. They make proactive, ongoing changes and are on time with changes. An adjustable and flexible person or company thrives in a rapidly changing environment.
The "At-Leaster" Phenomenon
If you've ever watched the opening of ABC's Wide World of Sports, then you've seen the winning runner break through the finish line, arms upraised in triumph, elated by the "thrill of victory." Of course, you've also seen the championship skier as he miscalculates and goes tumbling down the slopes into the "agony of defeat."
Victory and defeat. Winning and losing. Good and bad. All similar concepts – right? The thing is, both these people are winners. Why? Because only winners enter the race in the first place.
Whether it's business, professional life, athletics – or even love – only those who are ready to risk losing, willing to accept the consequences, and able to profit from their losses will ever know the taste of victory.
The risk involved in becoming a winner is a tall order for a salesperson, and the reason so many sales forces are suffering isn't because they don't have winners on their teams, but because too many of their players won't enter the race. While the "thrill of victory" is undeniably seductive, the "agony of defeat" is often more intimidating.
Just what makes the fear of losing so immobilizing? The reasons are buried in our social conscience, where attitudes we hardly understand and barely acknowledge shape our thinking and actions. Perhaps the most powerful mixed message we receive as children is the belief we hold about winning and losing. "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game," we learn to say. But what we really believe is the dictum of coach Vince Lombardi, "Winning isn't everything – it's the only thing." Is it any wonder then, that most people would rather forgo the "thrill of victory," than risk the "agony of defeat"?
The Comfort Zone
Most people tend to be non-riskers. Their tombstones could easily read: "Died at 30... buried at 80." They're men and women who've settled at an early age into the comfort zone of mediocrity. As justification for the grayness of their lives, they tell themselves, "Well, I may not have won, but at least I didn't lose."
In years of working with sales organizations, we've found that 60% of the nation's sales force is made up of these "At-Leasters." Stymied by their fears, hung up between failure and world-class success, occasionally actualizing their potential (but sure to fall back), At-Leasters – with their seesaw sales performance records – are a mysterious drain on their companies' sales records, representing a major hidden loss and often infecting the entire corporation with the At-Leasteritus.
More than most other professions, salespeople are judged – by themselves and by others – on "measurable results," which makes them particularly susceptible to At-Leasterism. For managers, the challenge becomes one of how to revitalize this group – to turn those mushy "60 Percenters" into true winners.
In their attempt to put solid ground under their psyches, salespeople define themselves in one of three ways, all based on "measurable results." They are Losers, Winners, or something in between. How they see themselves – this internal picture – becomes the face that looks back at them in the corporate washroom mirror.
"Loser" salespeople see themselves inescapably hedged in by their limitations. Lifelong low self-esteem chronically inhibits their sales ability. They blame themselves when something goes wrong, unable to examine the circumstances or analyze the situation. Loser salespeople occupy 20% of the sales jobs in this country, but since they almost never make quota they eventually get turned over, making room for a new crop of underachievers.
At the same time, the infamous 80/20 rule tells us that 20% of the sales force is making 80% of the sales. This 20% is naturally made up of "Winner" salespeople. Despite the fact that we may all be "born winners," after a good dose of mixed messages, eroded confidence, daily pessimism and fear of failure, most "born winners" metamorphose into something else. Those who do survive are the ones who've developed the tools they need to keep their high self-esteem intact. Winners see themselves as winners and deliver like pros – even when they fail, lose and lose again. They're self-motivated, they believe in themselves and they know they make a difference. In major-league baseball, the leading home-run hitter often leads the league in strikeouts as well, but that doesn't keep him from going up to the plate and taking a swing.
Winners also take full responsibility for what went wrong – they just don't blame themselves. They feel good about themselves no matter how they perform on any one day or in any one role. Winners know you can't win if you're afraid to lose, and that's where they differ from At-Leasters.
At-Leasters look in the mirror and see confusion. They define a string of successes as a "run of luck." When they do extremely well (for instance, closing 10 for 10 on a given day), At-Leasters worry they really aren't as good as they may appear. Initial elation quickly gives way to secret fears: exposure, expectation, inability to repeat their success, and, ultimately, failure. They quickly retreat back into that gray area of mediocrity, where they hug their lucky win and say, "At least I didn't lose."
And when At-Leasters strike out, they deny responsibility for their failures. "It wasn't my fault in the first place," they cry. "Hey, I'm really not that bad." They do whatever it takes to get back to that comfort zone between success and failure. Most significantly, whether winning or losing, they forfeit the opportunity to learn from their experiences. They won't risk failure, and because of this they never grow into Winners.
Reversing the Image
It's paradoxical that so many companies, while investing in state-of-the-art business technology, remain in the Dark Ages when it comes to incorporating modern behavioral knowledge into their sales training structure. They're big on drilling their salespeople on technique, but at the same time, they neglect to address their workers' negative self-images. Make no mistake, At-Leasters are smart and skilled. They learn new techniques quickly enough, but their lack of internal reprogramming negates all this packaging. The result? More seesaw sales performance, more new salespeople added to the staff, more training programs, more money spent, and few positive results.
Without the proper inner resources, even the best skills in the world won't make a sale, and all this fine-tuning simply shackles the organization with a disproportionate share of unhappy At-Leasters. Given the fact that At-Leasters are a common product of the way we're brought up, how can a sales organization convert them into Winners?
A profile of Winners shows that these people have internal resources that outside negativity just won't erode. Here are a few examples:
- Winners are self-motivated, they believe in themselves and feel they make a difference. They're driven by a "fire in the belly" and won't be corrupted by naysayers. They've got their priorities straight. Winners have the tools that keep their internal belief systems running, repairing and revitalizing themselves every day, every hour.
- When Winners don't feel good, they act as if they do. This isn't brainwashing or denial; it's purely a technique for getting over the hump until that original spontaneity comes back.
- Winners prepare for a challenge by thinking positively. They focus their minds on instances in their lives where they truly wanted something and got it.
- Winners literally keep their heads up. They keep smiling no matter how hard their opponent is trying to beat them down. Just try feeling lousy while looking up at the sky. Tough, isn't it?
- Winners build a support group of positive people around them, even though their background, circumstances or social circle may not have given them that support when they were growing up. Winners know they can't change the past, but they can create a healthy environment in the present – which carries them into the future with optimism and positive feelings.
And it's up to the company to create that healthy environment – to become the support system, mentor and guide their salespeople need. Here are a few basic suggestions on how to acknowledge your salespeople and treat them like the precious resource they are:
- Begin the day with positive interaction. Listen. Let the worker be the talker here. Similarly, end the day on an upbeat note. Get rid of any negative energy in the office.
- After a sale – or the loss of one – talk about what went right. Always start positively and encourage your people to think that way too. Next, get your salespeople to feel good about those things that went right. Congratulate them. Make sure they acknowledge themselves and feel positive about their accomplishments.
- Teach them to "disassociate" themselves from the sale. Have your people separate, step back from the actual situation, and put some space between themselves and the sale. Have them look at themselves in the "role" they were playing as salespeople.
- Using this same technique, analyze the sale. Separated from their roles as salespeople, workers are in a much better position to analyze their own performance for learning and improvement. Have them ask themselves what they could have done differently. Encourage them to come up with several variables. Then, change the scenario and play it again. Let them ask you for ideas. Be available, but keep listening; the more your salespeople discover their own strategies for success, the more success they'll have.
- Teach them to ask for help – and not just from you. Were you the coach of a sports team, you could see your players in progress and analyze their performance first hand. But your salespeople win or lose the sale in their prospect's office, not yours. Have them go back to the very prospects or clients they didn't close with and ask them, "What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?"
- Be available. Getting feedback will help your salespeople solidify their feelings, so encourage your staff to ask you for help. Build a team. Hearing a member of your staff ask, "Can you help me?" will become music to your ears.
- Finally, teach your salespeople to fail. Send them out to get a no and praise them for each one they come back with. The mere fact that they went out again and again – like that winning home-run hitter – means that they deserve your praise. As At-Leasters, they'll never know the "thrill of victory" until they realize that the willingness to risk the "agony of defeat" is just as praiseworthy and that defeat doesn't mean disaster. ''
- Recognizing this need, Brian Azar founded The Sales Catalyst more than 30 years ago. Brian adapted a unique approach from several disciplines in order to assist sales people in improving their communications skills. Utilizing key concepts from the science of neurolinguistic programming, Brian created programs that focus on identifying the most common styles of communication. Participants learn how to utilize and improve those styles in order to establish superior rapport and reach their goals.
Stages of Life
Modern psychology has placed most of its focus on human development in the early years with the implied suggestion that our development stops at a certain point. For example, the work of Piaget, Havinghurst, Kegan and Loevinger ends in adolescence or early adulthood. While Jung and Bühler have explored adult development throughout the life course, the most relevant work comes from Erikson and Levinson.
Erikson describes eight stages and yet his treatment of the mature adult years is sparse. The seventh stage from age 40 to 65 is a period typified by the individual’s desire to leave their mark, to contribute to the world and to feel productive and involved. If these goals are achieved, one will attain a sense of generativity, a feeling of meaningful contribution. If these goals are not achieved, a person will be left with feelings of stagnation, a disconnected, self-absorbed sense of loneliness. Erikson’s eight and final stage is defined by the quest for integrity and a growing awareness of death. In his later life, he acknowledged that psychosocial development may continue in later life, but his work was left incomplete.
Levinson explores the life cycle as a series of “eras” or “seasons” that are composed of stable periods where life’s choices have been made, and transitional periods in which one season ends and a new one begins. His research, originally conducted only with men, highlights the importance of choice in midlife. It argues that the structure of development through the life course follows an underlying pattern for each individual that is a mix of development and socialization.
While Erikson and Levinson’s work offers an excellent basis for understanding the life cycle, it is incomplete for our modern era. Both psychosocial and neurological development has been found to continue to progress throughout the life course. The current demographic and cultural realities put forth new pressures and provide new opportunities that change an individual’s ability to design his or her futures. Building on these giants, we propose a new life course theory that recognizes life as longer, more complex and less predictable.
PART I: The new life phase
In our construction of this new theory, we suggest life phases that are more fluid and dynamic than previous academic, because we recognize that individuals vary and that physical age and psychological age might not match at every point. The traditional view of life conceived of our development in a semi-circle with its peak at age 45 or 50, followed by a quiet decline to death on the other side of that milestone birthday. Incorporating a new life phase of possibility and continued growth changes the trajectory rather than beginning a precipitous decline, our productive, generative years have been extended, allowing us to reimagine our lives differently, to embrace second careers and to continue to thrive throughout the life course.
The need for a new life phase is bolstered by the latest research in both neurological and psychosocial development throughout the life course. Research has shown that psychological resilience--the ability to adapt to stress, transitions and adversity--increases throughout midlife.[i] One possible reason may be that by middle age, the brain has learned to accentuate the positive.[ii] Another possibility may be that by middle age, we’ve had our fair share of life experiences and have gained some perspective about the relative importance of events. Indeed, psychologists find that well-being follows a U-curve, with self-reported happiness at its lowest in the 30s and 40s and increasing steadily beginning at age 50.[iii] This is in keeping with longitudinal research that finds that our lives continue to evolve in our later years and often become more fulfilling than ever.[iv]
PART II: The Need for a New Framework
The new life phase has emerged because of demographic and cultural changes and has created uncharted territory for those who are living it. Four main factors contribute to this new life phase: Increased longevity, increased productivity, the rise of the therapeutic culture and a focus on purpose-based generativity.
Increased Longevity
Midlife and older Americans are living longer, healthier[v] lives than ever before.[vi] Some call it “ageless aging.”[vii] These added years are enhanced by increasing and continued educational attainment, making this generation more educated than previous cohorts.[viii] The spike in health and education attainment breed a new sense of optimism about the future: Midlife adults anticipate that their lives will be better in five years than they are now.[ix]
Increased Productivity
While their parents considered retirement to be a time of travel, relaxation and enjoyment,most Baby Boomers consider some sort of paid work to be part of retirement. In fact, a significant percentage of Baby Boomers report that they will never consider themselves retired.[x] Looking toward their future, 7 in 10 experienced workers plan to work during retirement, and the vast majority list social and psychological fulfillment—along with current and future financial security—as the primary reason.[xi]
Indeed, older workers increasingly see their job as an integral part of their identity, with 83 percent in 2013 reporting that their job is an important part of who they are, up 6 points from 2007.[xii] A desire to feel useful and to create meaning is increasingly important for this cohort as well.[xiii]
For those who have other ambitions for their new life phase--in addition to work, or in lieu of paid work--travel, improving health and fitness and simply enjoy their lives, friends and families top the list of goals for the new life phase. Isolation is fatal: While some mention hobbies, spiritual pursuits, and home projects, few want to relocate or “go it alone”.[xiv]
Purpose-Based Generativity
USA Today asked adults what they would ask a god or a supreme being if they could get a direct and immediate answer. The most popular question from the list they offered was not, “Will I have life after death?” (that was No.2), or “Why do bad things happen?” (that was No. 3). The top question adults would ask God or a supreme being was, “What’s my purpose here?”[xx] In fact, it’s the question of the new life phase and is very much in keeping with Erikson’s previous research on the importance of generativity in midlife.
Living with purpose means connecting to something bigger than the self and pursuing goals that are valuable and important toward achieving that end. There is increasing research pointing to the importance of positive emotion, engagement, healthy relationships, a sense of meaning and a sense of accomplishment as being crucial to overall wellbeing--not just immediate gratification, money and happiness.
Seekers in the new life phase might be searching for a new language to discuss their transitions, a sense of identity around their next steps, reassurance of their choices and a community with whom to share information and from whom to receive encouragement. Lichterman finds that self-help users “are seeking not so much a perfect self as a new language for personal life.”[xxiii] Putting words to feelings is crucial for both personal understanding and sharing your journey, and that is a valuable gift in the new life phase. In addition, those seeking self-help might be searching for hope of change and rebirth, research finds. Developing a new sense of identity can be part of this process.[xxiv] Others may be seeking reassurance or confirmation that what they are feeling and doing are normal.[xxv] Life Reimagined provides this in a framework, community and shared language for the new life phase.
Life Reimagined is grounded in the belief that “the good life” evolves over the life course, and that development may occur at any point in time. Life isn’t linear, and our journey could be one of stuttering steps, leaps, falls and plateaus as a result of a mix of internal choice and external influence. We are each on our own journey, each an experiment of one, and Life Reimagined embraces the idea that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to life. Yet at the core of our quests in a variety of different aspects of life--relationships, stress, career, learning, resources and leisure--is a focus on purpose and meaning.
PART II: Bringing “the Good Life” to a Wider Audience
Longevity, technology and changing culture have created a new life phase that is uncharted territory. Previous generations could model their adult years by the behaviors of their parents, but increased longevity means we are outliving those generations. Our cultural ideas of retirement continue to change, encouraging us to forge a new path.
Americans are rejecting the idea that opportunities are shrinking as they get older. We want to reach even higher, explore and pursue dreams and passions that may have been left behind in earlier years. But we can’t do it alone. In an age of possibilities, a growing number of people are looking for guidance to search for and discover new opportunities in work, family, health, fun and purpose in life.
This model provides an unprecedented opportunity to help people navigate life transitions—and Life Reimagined believes these opportunities should be available on a massive scale. However, policy must evolve with this new life phase as well: Navigating transitions cannot be done in a vacuum, and our social structure will need to understand, react to and reflect these shifts.
There is much work ahead, and many questions are unanswered: What is the new experience of growth in midlife and beyond? What are the building-blocks of such growth? What will inhibit it? And what advantages will be realized during this new life phase?
We embrace the idea of a new life phase with hope for a time when everyone will be able to pursue their best lives and embrace their full potential, regardless of age--that is both the opportunity and the challenge of the work ahead.
Lerner, Richard, Concepts and Theories of Human Development, (Mahwah: Psychology Press, 2001) 22.
[1] Lewis, John David, Solon the Thinker: Political Thought in Archaic Athens, (London: Bristol Classical Press, 2008) 79.
[1] Confucius, The Analects, (Hong Kong: Chinese University Press, 1992).
[1] Mortimer, Jeylan T., and Shanahan, Michael J., ed. Handbook of the Life Course. (New York: Springer Science+Business Media, 2006).
[1] Mortimer, Handbook.
[1] See: Guinee, James P. (1998). Erikson's life span theory: A metaphor for conceptualization the internship year. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 29(6), 615-620. doi:10.1037/0735-7028.29.6.615; Cherry, Kendra (2014). Generativity versus stagnation: The seventh stage of psychosocial development. Retrieved from http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/generativity-versus-stagnation.htm Accessed: 4/25/2014.
[1] Guinee, Erickson’s.
[1] Erikson, Erik H, The Life Cycle Completed, (New York: W.W. Norton & Company 1998).
[1] See Levinson, Daniel J. (1986). A conception of adult development. American Psychologist, 41(1), 3-13. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.41.1.3; Levinson, Daniel J., Darrow, C. N., Klein, E. B., Levinson, M. H., & McKee, B. (1978), The seasons of a man's life. (New York: Random House, 1978).
[1] Ibid.
[1] Metzler, Christopher J. (2013). Fifty Is the New Thirty: unpacking myths of the New Life Phase. Unpublished Manuscript, Georgetown University, Washington, D.C.
[1] See: Almeida. David M., Horn, M.C. “Is daily life more stressful during middle adulthood?”
In How healthy are we? A national study of well-being at midlife, Brim,O.G., Ryff C.D., Kessler, R.C., ed. (Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 2004) 425–451.
[1] van Reekum, Carien M., Schaefer, Stacey M., Lapate, Regina C., Norris, Catherine J., Greischar, Lawrence L., Davidson, Richard J. (2011). “Aging is associated with positive responding to neutral information but reduced recovery from negative information,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, April; 6(2): 177–185.
[1] Stone, Arthur A., Schwartz, Joseph E., Broderick, Joan E., & Deaton, Angus (2010). A snapshot of the age distribution of psychological well-being in the United States, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 107 (22) 9985-9990. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1003744107
[1] Vaillant, George, Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, (U.S.: Belknap Press 2012).
[1] Vaupel, James W. (March 2010). Biodemography of human aging. Nature. 464, 25 doi: 10.1038/nature08984
[1] “Aging Statistics.” Department of Health & Human Services, Administration on Aging. Available at: http://www.aoa.gov/Aging_Statistics/; Accessed: 4/25/2014.
[1] Shmotkin, Dov. “The Pursuit of Happiness: Alternative Conceptions of Subjective Well-Being,” Understanding Well-Being in the Oldest Old. 1st ed. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2011. 27-45.
[1] “ACS Educational Attainment by Degree-Level and Age-Group (American Community Survey): Percent of Adults 45 to 64 with a High School Diploma – 2005.” NCHEMS Information Center for Higher Education Policymaking and Analysis. Available at: http://www.higheredinfo.org/dbrowser/?year=2005&level=nation&mode=map&state=0&submeasure=234; Accessed: 4/25/2014.
[1] Fisher, Linda L. (2010). Sex, Romance and Relationships: AARP Survey of Midlife and Older Adults. AARP, (7) Retrieved from http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/srr_09.pdf
[1] Love, Jeffrey. (2010). Approaching 65: A Survey of Baby Boomers Turning 65 Years Old.” AARP (4) Retrieved from http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/approaching-65.pdf
[1] “Staying Ahead of the Curve 2013: The AARP Work and Career Study, Older Workers in an Uneasy Job Market.” (2014). AARP (6, 57) Retrieved from: http://www.aarp.org/content/dam/aarp/research/surveys_statistics/general/2014/Staying-Ahead-of-the-Curve-2013-The-Work-and-Career-Study-AARP-res-gen.pdf
[1] Ibid, 7.
[1] Ibid, 11.
[1] Love, Approaching 9.
[1] Whelan, C. Self-Help Books and the Quest for Self-Control in the United States 1950-2000 (Doctoral Thesis) University of Oxford, Oxford, England, 2003. U187685
[1] See: Rose, Nikolas, Inventing Our Selves: Psychology, Power, and Personhood (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1996); Bellah, R. N. et al., Habits of the Heart: Individualism and Commitment in American Life. 1996 ed(Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California Press, 1985); Giddens, Anthony, Modernity and Self-Identity: Self and Society in the Late Modern Age (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 1991); Moskowitz, Eva S., In Therapy We Trust: America’s Obsession with Self-Fulfillment (Baltimore: The John Hopkins University Press, 2001).
[1] Veroff, Joseph, Kulka, Richard A., Douvan, Elizabeth Ann Malcom, Mental Health in America: Patterns of Help-seeking from 1957-1976 (New York: Basic Books, 1981) 68.
[1] Bellah, Habits 121.
[1] Marketdata Enterprises, Inc. (2012) The U.S. Market for Self Improvement Products & Services. December 2012, 5.
[1] USA Today asked adults what they would ask a god or a supreme being if they could get a direct and immediate answer. Among the top three questions were "Will I have life after death?" (19% of respondents) and "Why do bad things happen?" (16%). However, the highest proportion of those polled, 34%, wished to know the answer to the timeless question, "What's my purpose here?" (USA Today, May 28, 1999).
[1] The Futures Company. (2012). American Express LifeTwist Study. 2.
[1] Ibid.
[1] Lichterman, Paul. (1992) “Self-Help Reading As Thin Culture,” Media, Culture & Society, 14 (3).
[1] Simonds, Wendy, Women and Self-Help Culture: Reading Between the Lines (New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press, 1992).
[1] See: Englis, B. G. et al, “Where Social Perception Meets Reality: The Social Construction of Lifestyles,” in Values, Lifestyles and Psychographics, Ed.Kahle, Lynn R., Chiagouris, Larry(Mahwah: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1997); Starker, Steven, Oracle at the Supermarket: The American Preoccupation with Self-Help Books (New Brunswick: Oxford, 1989); Fried, Stephen B., Shultis, Ann, The Best Self-Help and Self-Awareness Books: A Topic-by-Topic Guide to Quality Information (Chicago: American Library Association, 1995).
The Undermining of Intent
Most of us have great intent: To lose weight, to stay in shape, to be generous, to grow our business, to control out temper, etc. And most of us have poor follow-through. Let's face it, we temporarily meet our goal, or fail to meet it at all, or keep changing it, or rationalize it away.
Sure, some people change their ways. But they are the minority.
Why is this? It's seldom about others, unless we're weak: I wasn't going to have dessert, but everyone else ordered one. I wasn't going to lose my temper, but my brother critiqued my choice of wine again. Those are easily controlled if we are resolute.
And it's not about "resistance to change," which borders on urban myth. Most of us can readily identify with a salutary future.
The problem is the journey to change.
The Locus of Accountability
We flock to experts who provide us with external offers of accountability. (Nothing wrong with them, these people are trying to offer some assistance.) We eagerly join mastermind groups and claim "accountability partners." But we don't enlist the most efficacious partner of all.
It's the person over there in the mirror.
Accountability is the condition of being able to make independent decisions, to have authority to act, of having a duty to deal with an issue. That state, for you, should not be delegated! When you rely on others, with the best of intentions, you are limiting your exposure to maintaining your accountability. When you rely on yourself, it's always there with you. No executive would cede his or her accountability and expect to achieve the results important to them.
So why would we?
Self-Mastery
Stop making "to do" lists of what you want or what you prefer instead of what you really need. Start making "results lists" that force you to evaluate whether you're approaching key goals. Enforce your own discipline, by creating awards for reaching goals, and delaying minor matters until you've finished your priorities.
Every time we engage still another external accountability system or group, we deny ourselves the strength to enforce our own discipline. Discipline is cumulative: The more you employ it, the better you get at it. The better you get at it, the more you employ it.
No one else has your best interests in mind to the extent that you should. Don't undermine your own intent. Instead, be intent on achieving your own self-interests.